The addiction to the persistent attention craved by my obsessions were unhealthy
Its attributes dispatched jealousy to the front door of my sanity
A situation that was unavoidable, because of my emotional circumstances.
In stillness I heard echoes of ‘I miss you’, which surrounded the humid atmosphere.
From the outskirts ‘His like’ yelled back to soothe the transition
‘why do you create doubt in my mind by making it seem otherwise?‘
My nervously critical thoughts evaluated the close analytical explanations behind ‘his’ justifications
See, I’ve been rewarded marks for the sweetness of my tongues deceit, which has proved most influential when listened to at my most vulnerable state.
‘Does the tongue live up to the negative reputation they are entitled to?‘
or maybe perhaps in the midst of delivering its deceit, ‘he’ misconstrued my truths for generalization and developed this ‘like’.
I saw this as a punishment for misinterpreting the truth I was a stranger to
or maybe believing it was deceit was a mechanism constructed for me to stay strong and loud, as long as I move on.
I wasn’t familiar with anger, but she came so difficult to my battered state of understanding, I embraced her and we got comfortable.
Anger did not stop to accept the silence and stillness to my nature, in knowledge’s dimness, was to condition my ill self to overcome memories that haunted me.
Oh and not forgetting fear.
Fear’s desire for me gave me numerous sleepless nights.
But then, she gave me the recognition I deserved, not the doubt ‘like’ prepared in me.
She gave me conversation, late night confessions and one on one emulsions.
She unlocked the gateway to my despair.
Fear bleached my misery by running to the den of my insecurities, when I laid low confronting my demons
She became my demon.
You misinterpreted my kindness and acted against my emotions.
Now i’m locked away, lines drawn, it seems I’ve laid my comfort too high.
We were separated by a threshold, many identify as classification.
Because for ‘like’, many positions in ‘his’ life had labels, and were placed on a shelf of ranking. Rarely moved or shuffled unless your case was different.
See, I thought my case was different, because I was secluded, not labelled or even ranked.
The possibilities blinded the visions of my clarity. I was too deep to notice it all equated to the maybe summary of worthlessness.
As sounds of sentiment echoed familiarity to the walls of my cage, I was reminded again that I was alone.
Alone, Yes, Alone, and haunted by the blueprint of the touch I once felt, the firmness of how ‘he’ embraced me and penetrated my trust to melt to ‘his’ cunning ego.
But the thought of how worthless I had become inflicted with my quest to remain relevant.
Flashbacks repeated and replayed,
Of how he introduced deceit to me and his questioning of my secularism.
‘He’ forgot that previously we were confronted with the required constitution of what categorized a faith.
And every night I’d ask to be forgiven.
Flashbacks, became a flight back to strength, I gained my sight back.
A light pierced the walls that had dimmed my shadows to run back to me
I accepted that all things work well for those who serve Elohim.
A low ‘him’ became a strong me, because His strength was perfected in my weakness.
Realization came with His revelations.
Deceit was a part of ‘him’, one I started to forget.
I had become the rock, ‘his like’ was to me.
I was changing, I was different.
I had parted with lust and became me.