I was birthed in the depths of Christianity.
Frequent bible studies, praise and worship, attending church services every Sunday became the chromatic design of my spiritual DNA.
I had all this knowledge of God but my sudden realisation of Him occurred in 2009 and nothing pleased me more than to get closer to Him.
So I got baptised a year later.
Everything became calm and I had found peace and the sense of belonging. But as the popular saying goes ‘ the calm before the storm’.
Life after wasn’t as smooth sailing, temptations became more apparent and I simply lost the practical grip I had on the faith.
I went from emotionally detached to emotionally attach.
I was in pursuit of the calm after my baptism that I tried to live in the past, so the way I dealt with trials and tribulations was to ignore them.
‘ I am the daughter of the Most High, it just couldn’t happen to me.’
But it did.
It’s deceiving to say I dealt with these trials, tribulations and temptations and I no longer have them, because you never really become immune to them.
They repeated themselves over and over again. With each one drawing a wedge between God and me.
Grief came to visit occasionally, sexual immorality became known to me. I developed pride, I bathed in the ‘unwholesome’ talk, deception rolled off my tongue like air and I traded lust for love.
I was everything I detested but they became comfortable to me, I became their shelter.
I moved away to become an adult. At 18 it was only right I did so. I had the money to so why not? Got a side job to sustain that money and I was studying too.
It wasn’t too far into 2013, I began having uncomfortable dreams, one of death and despair. I had no way out so I called home.
‘ Mum, Dad, help me’ to the exchange of ‘ you need to go to God, fast and pray’ – Mum.
‘ Have you been reading your bible?’ – Dad
I knew who I needed to heal me but at this point, I deemed myself unworthy of Him.
I read about forgiveness and finding your way back to God but I couldn’t see how God could forgive me.
I had fallen below sub-glory that I couldn’t place words together to form a sentence before Him.
I was covered in shame.
‘Father…forgive….me’ – I cried, minutes, hours and days before finally conjuring the strength to say ‘ heal me’.
It was as if God had been waiting for those words all of my life.
In the span of a year, I had lost friends, a home, my job and had no finances. I moved back home with my parents and siblings, battling through depression, I opened my bible again.
The passages seemed different now than it had over the years but I didn’t hear about a Bible update.
I stopped the lies, begun the process of dying to lust and deception wasn’t so appealing anymore so I spat it out.
The grief didn’t stop but I saw God in them. I learnt about patience again.
The trails didn’t stop but when you get in the habit of laying your burdens before God you find rest.
I found love and learnt about love.
Love replaced my desire for lust.
I wasn’t the exemplary Christian but I was desperately learning to be the best for the Kingdom.
Christianity is a journey
The road to God’s Kingdom is filled with traffic lights, speed bumps, speed limits and occasional road closures causing a diversion.
No one has the manual but the Holy Spirit has a map. Let Him navigate and you will know how to deal with what lies ahead. Don’t be afraid to ask others for help. God has placed them along the way to help you.
In your journey of life, find God.